If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
