tonight lets celebrate not being married
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
