You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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