Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize