This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
