just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
