i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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