literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize