I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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