As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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