I didn't shave. On purpose
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
