happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It was confusing and full of hummus
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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