thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
