it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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