Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
