You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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