The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
