last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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