he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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