I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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