I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize