So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
