ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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