Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
