DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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