I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize