when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
