I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
