I must be too annoying 4 u.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
