when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
