I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
