Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy

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(864): View more from South Carolina

A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!

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(609): View more from New Jersey

imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive

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(334): View more from Alabama

The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.

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(740): View more from Ohio

Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand

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(660): View more from Missouri

hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?

(816): View more from Missouri

yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward

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(206): View more from Washington

I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...

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