Ketchup is God's man juice
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
