I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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