Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
