whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Come see our sink grown plant.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
