it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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