Plan B is the new Plan A
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
