I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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