i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the day after is always just damage control
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
