Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
