do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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