Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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