He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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