Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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