There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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