The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
