I wish my penis had an off switch
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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