Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
