I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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