So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize