We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
