I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize