I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
