yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I will die if light touches me.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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