the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
