I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
