i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
