It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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