I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
