i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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