I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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