you turned your livingroom into a bong?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
