she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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