Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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