I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
